NEW VIRUS RULES TO BE BASED ON MORNINGTON CRESCENT

Everybody must stay 2 metres away from themselves from Monday. Herds will be immune.

If Monday falls on a Tuesday the rules are reversed. Please report any violations of spacetime to the appropriate authorities (apart from the one near Cardiff – BT engineers are working on it).

Public transport may only be used when singing in four part harmony. If you are the first passenger on a bus you are permitted to sing in three part harmony until another passenger joins.

Owls should be carried at all times except in the north, where pigeons will be permitted. For the avoidance of doubt, labradoodles are fictitious. Public houses will be designated as private houses and all dwellings will be required to expel residents at 10pm.

People found loitering near badgers will be rudely told off. Morris dancing can only be carried out in groups of six or fewer, unless there are more of them. A large collection of Morris dancers is known as a ‘twattage’ and should be avoided for obvious reasons. Read More »

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